In a recent tweet, the GOOP herself has tried to prove yet again that she is no different from any other woman.
From Twitter:
"Who do I have to bang to get an advance copy of the new @coldplay album? I mean, really."
You see, like every other 38 year old woman who is married and has 2 kids, sexual intercourse with her husband is now only an obligation to be performed 3 times a year (Birthday, Valentine's Day, Anniversary) or a means of acquiring some favor from that husk of a man who surprisingly may still have some value even after being sucked dry of his Life seed.
For those of you who think Gwyneth was joking, I assure you she was not, for she does not have a sense of humor.
I know this from personal experience.
You see a few months ago, I met with the GOOP and her musician sperm donor at their Belsize Park apartment in north London. They had recently put out an ad seeking highly qualified tutors for their children Apple and Moses. They were looking for someone to teach Greek, Latin, French and Spanish to their kids, as well as someone who was able to play 2 musical instruments and was also an athlete. As I exceeded all those requirements, the interview was mostly a formality.
I was interested in the position for a few reasons. While the pay was decent ($98,000 dollars for 2-4 hours of work/week plus the use of a west London apartment), I was mainly attracted to the opportunity because they had named their son Moses and also because, back in the days of metrosexual angst, I used to listen to Coldplay late at night in my bedroom with the lights turned off.
As I said, the job offer was pretty much a done deal and at the end of our meeting the GOOP presented me a nicely wrapped gift tied with "Yellow" ribbons.
I took the opportunity then to crack a joke and asked frantically, "What's in the box?? What's in the box??!"
Nothing. No reaction whatsoever. You see, I told you she didn't have a sense of humor.
The GOOP then all of a sudden took on an icy demeanor and politely informed me that my services were not needed. She said I could keep the gift however, as a token of their appreciation.
Well, I was disappointed to say the least and, as I sat in the airport awaiting my flight back home, I took a peek into the box.
I found this.
