Football season is nearly upon us!
The NFL lockout is finally over and, judging from the emails, this is causing concern among our female readers. Yes, there are quite a few women among us and No, I am not just making that up.
What did you expect from this blog, a giant kosher beef sausagefest?
So what this means for most women is that they will soon be ignored for several hours every week unless they choose to prance around wearing only a football jersey and panties and ask questions for which they have absolutely no interest in the answers.
I did not make up these rules, I have only observed them in the real world. And I was kidding about asking questions.
For all you Hasidic Princesses out there though, you have nothing to worry about, as you undoubtedly already have your man's shriveled balls carefully tucked away in a dark corner of the second, smaller handbag that you carry.
Well done.
Honestly, this post will be pretty short as there are not many Jews in the NFL and most of the ones who do play are scrubs.
The best explanation that I've heard for this, from renowned sociologists and sports writers, is that the decline of the Jewish player in the NFL occurred when more stringent rules against performance-enhancing drugs were adopted.
You see, FEAR was deemed a performance-enhancing drug and there was no greater user of it than the Jewish player who was being chased by huge Black men.
This triggered the flight or flight response (not a typing error), which in turn increased adrenaline and gave the Jewish player an unfair advantage in eluding his pursuer.
And thus the demise of our presence in the NFL.
Now for those of you who were hoping that I would offer some advice for your fantasy football league, I am sorry to disappoint you.
Besides, you don't want my advice. I keep it real as a Hasidic Warrior and stay true to my roots.
Unfortunately, this explains why I drafted Sage Rosenfels as my keeper pick in the First Round and have had him ever since his rookie year.
You can imagine how that has worked out.
