Many of you dear readers have expressed a desire to meet me.
I get emails all the time saying, "You are the best!" or "I want to be just like you."
I completely understand.
Women and weak men often find themselves attracted to Hasidic Warriors. Please understand though, it's not me. It's the strength of my Hasido which you feel compelled by.
And while I am grateful for all your compliments, I must remind you that flattery will get you nowhere with me. At best your sycophantic gestures make me feel either apathetic or mildly disgusted, like a non-Jew who is offered a plate of Hamantashen.
"No Thanks, I'll pass."
Even if it was that dank, sticky icky Hamantashen. No interest whatsoever.
Still, I know you are curious about what it would be like to hang out with me.
In a word: Awesome.
But the fact remains that you must be at a certain level before I even consider spending time with you.
Take this guy in the video below, for example. He's applying for an internship in Hasido. He just about meets all of our baseline physical requirements. Here's a quick look at his physical profile:
Name: (Withheld for Privacy & Security Reasons)
40 Yard Dash Time: 4.38 seconds
Bench Press 225lbs: 19 reps
Vertical Jump: 41.5 inches
All in all, not too bad. I might be able to work with that.
But the criteria for becoming a Hasidic Warrior is more than just having near world-class athletic skills. At the end of the day, you've got to possess that intangible "something" that separates you from others.
And what is that "something"?
It's being cool.
So how do I determine if an applicant is "cool" enough for training? I ask him to send me a video of himself, hanging out by himself.
Because if you aren't the greatest thing since Challah bread even though you are alone, then you don't have what it takes to become a Hasidic Warrior.
